a sleepless night spent worrying over taking a trip north. I’ll only be in New Jersey for 2 or 3 days but it still feels like 2 or 3 too many. Ever since my last trip to California where Edward introduced me to some friends of his as being ‘from North Carolina’ I felt as though I’ve lost a part of my New Jersey ‘heritage’ as it were. I suppose two and a half years of living in North Carolina and never really feeling like I belong will do that. It’s weird though because I’ve never particularly identified myself as being ‘Jersey’ but my parents are from Jersey (dad from Guttenberg, mom from Union City originally) and all my grandparents were from Jersey and my great grandparents were from Jersey (somewhere in Hudson County, I forget the exact towns. although I can never remember quite when my grandma’s family came from Italy and my pop pop’s from Poland). I don’t want to lose that part of my history but I still feel like I have nothing to gain by going there but bringing bad memories to the forefront of my mind again. I love my friend Mike like a brother and look forward to seeing him but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have serious doubts about the state of my general emotional well-being by taking this trip. I think the risk is worth the reward though, I really want to see Philadelphia up close, Boston for the first time, and to be able to say I stepped foot inside of Madison Square Garden.
Addendum: as the future sole carrier of the immediate Brunner family line/name I’d like to relocate us to Southern California where our skin will become dark and our ethnicity even more irrelevant (100 plus years in America will do that).
That was much longer/more personal than I’m used to posting so if you actually read it, thanks, so here’s some kittens inspired by kittens.